I wasn’t at all surprised by its arrival. I got up, went to use the bathroom, then came back and went into the kitchen to heat the double double hot chocolate. I heated it just enough to take the refrigerated chill off that crap.Then I swallowed my new cocktail of Tylenol and Motrin pills, and washed them down with the warm coco. Then I had a bran muffin helped down by the last of the warm coco. While I pulled on my hiking outfit, Mikah had her morning treat. A very hard chew bone. I had a bottle of designer water, brought into the house by Thia. Each bottle had a total of five calories. I decided to carry it on my walk that morning as a test, it turned out not to be awful.Everything went normally right up until we went to the Accent to drive to my Virginia meeting with the FBI chief. I had explained that I didn’t want to be photographed walking into the FBI offices, so we set the meeting outside the office. The Accent was making a lot of noise from the second I turned it on. So much. “But none of that stuff is what I’m talking about. The only thing that matters to me is that you gave me courage, Matt. And that was what did it.”“All right, well ... I’m really happy for you, Shan. I really am. But that doesn’t get to your question, which I don’t know the answer to. And besides, I’m probably not the person to ask.”She glanced at me. “Why not?”I took another breath. “Because ... I don’t even know the answer for myself.”She frowned. “What are you deciding about?”For a moment, I almost let the mask slip ... But that would be making a commitment to the decision, one way or another.“Oh, I just mean in general,” I said vaguely. “Just that I’m always hemming and hawing about shit. Anyway, you’re best off deciding for yourself what you want, then just do it. Take the leap.”She nodded slowly.“What does Colin think about it?” I asked.“He wants me to go to Syracuse. At least, that’s what he says. We’ll visit each other on weekends, and stuff.”“You could. They’re not that far.
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